Goodbyes Are Never Easy
by cupcakeloversunite001
Summary: America has enough of life so he tries to end it. Then a certain country walks in. RusAme... It also has attempted suicide. Rated M


**Summary and Tittle:** This fanfiction is called Goodbyes Are Never Easy. America has enough of life so he tries to end it. Then a certain country walks in. RusAme...

**Rated:** M, for suggested topics and cursing.

**Warnings:** Attempted Suicide, RusAme, language, and self harm.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Hetalia.

**Author's Note:** This is me trying to write a serious fanfiction. I won't write very many happy ones. If you do not enjoy reading sad fics, then feel free to click off.

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America looked at himself in the mirror, possibly for the last time. He wanted to make sure he wanted to do this, to end his own life. He didn't show up to the world meeting. This whole situation is shit. He blamed himself for everything. For 9/11, the crash of the stock market, for so many deaths of innocent people. He could hear the screams of every fallen man, woman, child, and those who were frightened.

"Oh God, why am I such an idiot? The Confederacy should've won, not me." He put a hand onto his face and looked at how much he has matured. He looks nineteen even though he has lived for centuries. He feels the years weigh down upon him. He sat on his wearily and reflected his life.

He has made so many mistakes, he has hurt so many people. How did he ever deserve to become a superpower? Sure, maybe he has done a few good things, but none came to mind. He helped England in both world wars.

"Wait, no, I fucked that up. I came late to both world wars. I wasn't the hero like I thought I was. Was I ever a hero?" The harsh realizations hit America like a bullet. Why did he even call himself a hero. He laid back on his bed. It looks like today was going to be day.

~.~

England was worried to say the least. He hasn't seen America yet. America was never thirty minutes late. When he though about it, America had been rather distant lately. Even according to Japan, America has not been the same since 9/11.

"Where is that git? He is supposed to be here." He would never say this out loud, but the other countries can't have this meeting without the world's first superpower.

"Oh, mon cher, are you finally worried? Maybe he is stuffing his face with those useless burgers that he loves so much?" France said with laughter behind his voice.

Russia shot an icy glare at the two nations. They had no idea about the signs that America has been showing. After all, Russia is America's unofficial boyfriend. They had been secretly seeing each other since The Cold War.

"How about I go and get him, da?

England and France gave him a shocked look, but nodded nonetheless. They were very shocked that Russia decided to do this for America.

"I will be going then." Russia walked out of the room in a leisurely pace until he went to his rental car.

Once he entered the car, he immediately quickened his actions. He had no idea what America was up to. He was never going to forgive himself if America died.

~.~

America went to his tiny apartment kitchen, he felt nostalgic. He decided he would die by a knife. He took the large knife and went to his living room. He started to feel his own mind take over. He felt tears stream down his own face and aimed the knife at his wrist over the old scars that were there. He decided to write a note and lay it down beside him.

_Slash_

He felt happy as the blood trickled down his wrist. It brings him that much closer to his end.

_Slash_

No one loved him anyway, Russia was just pretending. Everyone was just pretending. How could anyone love a hero-obsessed idiot like himself?

"That should do it." He soon felt dizzy due to to loss of blood, but he had notmotivation to get up. This was the day he would be gone from the earth.

America made sure the note that he had written was beside him as he passed out. He slipped into sweet nothingness as soon as he heard his front door open.

"Amerika? Are you here?" Russia's heart dropped as soon as he saw America on the floor with blood all around him. The disturbing thing was that America had a creepy smile on his face.

Russia immediately picked America up and put him on the couch. He ran to the bathroom and found gauze. He then wrapped it around America's wrist to stop the evere bleeding. Luckily, since America is a nation, he should heal with minimal scarring.

Through Russia's pacing he found this yellow peice of paper, obviously in America's writing. He bent down and read it.

_'Dear Russia,  
Hey, it is your ultimate hero here. Only, I don't feel like a hero, I feel like I have failed everyone. I guess you're wondering why I knew it was you. You're the only one who might care for me enough at this point. I fucked up. This whole world economy shit is my fault. Don't say it isn't because the stock market crash was my fault. It sucks, life sucks. What another thing that sucks is how I can never write in a letter. I can't convey my true feelings, just as I can never show my true feelings for you. I love you Vanya, I have loved you since the Civil War. As I write my lasts thoughts on this paper I wonder what you think of me. Yes, you said you loved me back. How could you? How could you love a fuck-up like me? What the other countries said about me, the many insults are all true. Ever since this current stock market crash with everyone blaming me I can't help but want this all to end. I just want you to know that this is no one's fault. As I take this knife to end it I feel relief, so do not be sad and do not grieve. Take care of Tony, Mattie, and Iggy for me.  
I love you,  
Alfred F. Jones'_

When Russia read this he felt tears run down his face. He couldn't believe America felt this way and he had been so ignorant as to ignore this. When he heard America stirring he immediately went to America's side, grabbing his hand.

"Russia? What the fuck? Why are you here? What- I'm supposed to be dead! Why am I still fucking alive?" America started crying, not able to speak anymore, trying to get up.

"Fredka? I saved you. Y-you were passed out! You could have died. What would have happened then?" Russia said, holding America down.

"I-I would've been gone! Then everyone would be happy!"

"I would not! I-I love you Fredka! I love you so much! Promise me you will never do that again." Russia started crying in America's lap.

"I promise dude. I'll even get help."

America said this crossing his fingers, unbeknownst to Russia that this is just the beginning to a long and slippery path. The road to revcovery is never easy, but with a loved one, it can be that much easier.

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**A/N:** Well, I'm not sure if I like this. If you want me to, I will continue this. If you have any issues with this, just let me know. I will love you if you point out any errors. Thanks for reading this. If you ever have any requests, just let me know.  
Adios~


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